I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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