HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
