Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
