you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
