Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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