How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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