Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
