I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
