Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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