What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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