Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
