Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
