I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
