the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
