it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
