Why are handjobs necessary in class?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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