Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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