im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
