she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
