I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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