yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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