Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
