id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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