I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
