you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
