dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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