omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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