I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
