dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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