let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
did you just send me my own nude
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
