When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
