I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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