She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Success! We fucked roommates!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
