He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
