For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
