whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Only a mothe r could love this liver
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
