When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
