So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
