Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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