I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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