the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
