she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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