Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
