Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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