Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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