i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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