I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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