I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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