Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't deserve a penis
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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