Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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