Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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